I've always found it strange when I hear about women competing to be the best all around person in the world. If you are one of those people that do work hard, more power to you. But I seemingly always compete to be most useless, worst mom in the world. Maybe I'm humble, maybe I just think it's funny, maybe I really just don't care. I'd just really like to say I love your FB posts and Pinterest projects. It's pretty sweet you get all those "likes". All the same, I don't feel bad for you or envy you when you're working so hard because you probably already have that "Mother of the Year" plaque on the wall.
I think sometimes we're really good at some things, and really bad at other things. What we share is something we can agree to disagree on. So, in recognition for Mother's Day, I compiled a list of the worst ways I am a mother, and a slightly horrible human being. Hope this makes you feel even better about yourself!:
1. I blame my tardiness on my children, even though we all know, they're the first ones standing by the door shoes on, clothes ready, with clean faces.
2. Sometimes, I will yell at my kids before it's nap time because I know they fall asleep easier when they cry.
3. I tell Sam that it's ok to be upset, but he could probably use some alone time... only because I can't stand his whining anymore.
4. I make Sam say his "Please, May I"'s over and over again when he demands things... mostly because I'm too lazy to get what he wants the first time he asks.
5. I tell Jarod and other people that we need to wait longer to change Evan's poopy diapers because he may not be done... while this is semi true, I do it because I'm preparing myself. Feces smell makes me gag. In the same way, I pretend like I don't hear Sam yell "Mommy!" from the bathroom, when Jarod is home, because I know he wants someone to wipe his butt.
6. I sit on the toilet and pretend to be number two-ing to get some alone time while I browse Zulily.
7. One time, I forgot to feed Sam dinner, because he wouldn't eat what I made (typical). I was starving and wanted a hot meal. I believe he had cookies for dinner that night. (No complaints)
8. The boys think the grocery store is a toy store, because that's the only way I can shop without disturbances.
9. I regularly pretend I don't understand what Sammy is saying to get on HIS nerves.
10. These were my top 5 reasons for not breastfeeding:
-After that whole ordeal, I needed a shot glass of wine or five.
-I refused to continue my healthy diet for the sake of my child.
-I found big boobs to be an annoyance.
-It was time for Daddy Jarod to carry the load for once.
-My little peaks didn't need to add "saggy" to their description.
What I've learned is no matter how bad the bad days can be being a mommy. It's better than having your dog raise your baby (Peter Pan reference). This is the short list of things I do that would probably disqualify me from having any more children, but I believe my boys are the happiest kids in the world. I bet yours are too. They could probably pass in society as normal. I don't pretend to be an expert in anything, and unless you really are an expert in something, maybe we should just all give each other a little break. Have a fun weekend celebrating yourselves!
