For the past two years or so, I've fallen off the inter webs into the shadows of "creep status," mostly just watching everyone on social media and feeling bad for myself. Life had turned upside, once again, and I am never anywhere near prepared for it. What do I do? Go into survival mode.
Let's rewind to let's say… 8 years ago. These were my basic worries:
1. Learning all the words to Lil' Wayne's 3 peat.
2. Winning radio call-in contests.
3. Steering clear of Chau Pham.
About 5 seconds after completing college, I was suddenly in mommy mode, I was a wife, moving for the first time in my life, and having to make friends… for the first time in my life. Happiest time ever, right? Let's throw in a few concussions, another baby, a career change, a semi-truck collision and starting a new business.
I look in the mirror and suddenly I'm 92 pounds (literally, you can see my chest bones), I'm regularly covering dark circles under my eyes, and I've got a 2 year old handing me 3 used lollipop sticks. I have zero to no friends, no hobbies, and (at the time) couldn't tell you the last time I changed out of my pajamas. Seriously? This is my life? …. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm not sure how many people know this, but I have quiet a talent in creating derogatory poetry. This little ditty has been pounding in my head… about myself:
*Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday"*
Con-grats to you!
You live in a zoo!
You smell like a gym rat,
But you look like a deflated balloon
I obviously love myself a lot right now. So what do I do?
I chop all my hair off and go ape-shit crazy.
After Jarod's ump-teenth concussion and the painstaking decision to quit playing to start coaching, Jarod lost the first love of his life and best friend. Losing Jon was like losing a limb for Jarod. I watched him struggle through concussions, but here, Jarod lost a piece of his heart. This became torturous for him; as he worked through the grief, it was almost as if there was nothing worth the time to enjoy in this life, something he still struggles with. He distanced himself from everyone. No more connections seemed worth it.
We worked through it and we worked hard. We moved into our first real home, our hockey clinic was taking off (positives), then Jarod met up with a semi-truck (another concussion), made it out alive (positive), we gained 3 teen brothers plus their two friends for a good portion of 6 months, and for the first time in my life, I felt like an adult. We made it through all in one piece, I forgot those darn Christmas cards, but we made it through.
Our first summer in our new home was supposed to be easy and in one place. Instead, we decided it would be best to travel the country in my mini-van *just one last time* Let's skip over the details and call this "The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back"…. as I refer to it "The Trip that Broke Mommy's Brain."
So here I am 2015, looking to make some big changes. I freaking hate resolutions. I made a resolution a few years back to never make one again. I stuck to it. I think my biggest problem has been that I have no idea who I am anymore. I spend my days in a daze, hanging out with my two BFF's, not doing much at all, getting yelled at by Jarod Palmer (instead of Chau Pham) for not doing what I'm supposed to do at home (Wait,has life really not changed that much?).
I've decided to reexamine my life. One piece at a time. I keep telling myself, there are all the things I can change NOW, but it turns out, I just get overwhelmed and don't get anything done but add pins to my Pinterest of the life I should have.
So here it is, Hello, My name is Vi Palmer and I'm getting out of this funk.
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